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FFS Diver Training Club Forum -> Ya old dive tales -> Thank-you Im here all week...............
Post Info TOPIC: Thank-you Im here all week...............
Biohazard


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Thank-you Im here all week...............
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In days of old,
When divers were cold,
Before dry suits were invented.
The best latrine was neoprene,
Especially if it was rented.


:o)


 



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Biohazard


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Near a lake used by scuba divers was a bar, and a man walked in carrying a cardboard box. He put the box on the bar and ordered a drink. It was quiet, and the barman was a talkative fellow — he naturally asked what was in the box. The man didn't answer, but opened the box and took out a minature grand piano, then a minature piano stool, and finally, a little man less than a foot tall, who sat at the piano and started to play the most incredible music you had ever heard.
    “He's fantastic!” said the barman, “Where did you get him?”
    “Well,” said the customer, “I had been diving in the lake when I saw this frog swimming in the middle of lake, at about 15 feet, and looking very tired. I took hold of the frog and carried him to the surface. The frog seemed very relieved, so I carried him to the shore.
    “When I put him down – and you're not going to believe this bit,” the man said, “– the frog started to talk! He said he wasn't really a frog, but was a handsome prince turned into a frog by a wicked fairy. And because he had never learned to swim, he wasn't making a very good job of being a frog. And as I had just saved his life, he was going to grant me a wish.
    “Now, the frog did seem to have difficulty equalizing as we surfaced, and it must have affected his hearing, because I told him my wish – and that was how I got a 10" pianist!”


Now aint that the truth, lol.



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Katie Current


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Keep them coming!!  Some of us are here all week too!


And just like your first thread, I'm sure we all enjoy a little light relief!



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Biohazard


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Do you know your arse from your elbow?

 


arse elbow


For those of you who were unsure, you have two elbow's ;o)



-- Edited by Biohazard at 16:19, 2006-12-18

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Katie Current


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Many thanks for the previous posting.  I'm sure that will clear up the confusion for most of us! And you say we have TWO elbows?  Where is the other one? !


And does the arse and the elbow belong to anyone we know or are they just 'standard' graphics for the use of explanation!


KT



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Biohazard


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After the partaking of the Leasowe Castle Red wine im sure many of the senior menbers of the club will have indeed had problems distinguishing between the two said areas of their anatomy.


The moonie may or may not belong to a certain MSDT im not sure, but i think vodka and lilt was involved (you know who you are).


A horse walks into a bar.  The bar man asks "Why the long face?" The horse answers "Dunno its always been like this!" Do de do de do do Tsh. I thank you.


 


 



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Biohazard


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There was a young lady diver from Bude
Who went for a dive in the nude
A man in a punt
Stuck a pole in her ear
And said "You cant dive here its private!"

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Deepthought


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Ho ho ho everyone and merry Christmas.


How do you circumcise a whale? - Send down four skin divers!!!!



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Deepthought


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Heard about the diver who always used to go in with a brief case as a shark deterrent? Thought the sharks would think he was a solicitor and keep their distance out of professional respect!!

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vetilatu


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A diver was shipwrecked up onto a lonely and tropical shore. As he stood up he noticed his hands were a brownish crimson colour, he looked at his feet, and they were also brownish crimson, worriedly he unzipped his wetsuit and his chest and stomach were brownish crimson. With his head in his hands he cried, "Oh my God!, I've been marooned!"


Well I've had a busy week and it is almost time for the cracker jokes !


Vet



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Dr Del


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Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?


Lay awake all night wondering about the existence of dog!

Merry Christmas


Del

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Biohazard


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Not diving related but reet funny.


http://www.myspace.com/thelancashirehotpots

A tribute to thumpy thumpy bang bang dance music.


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Katie Current


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Eeee.  That were reet grand. Specially enjoyed th'hotpot video, will now go down't bakers wi't some scrag end o' lamb.   and a sack o' spuds and see if we can turn intut tripe for Sunday Best!   Cheers ****er!

KT!

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Dr Del


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See wot appens, you moves to StHelens and you go all Lanky, by gum!

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Biohazard


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LIP UP FATTY!



You know you need to lose weight when remoras start hanging around you.


You know you need to lose a lot of weight when you can't complete a shore dive because "Save The Whale" keep pushing you back in the water.


You know you need to loose a huge ammount weight when your buddies need to put their torches on when you grab the shot line.



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Biohazard


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The boy stood on the burning deck,
Picking his nose like mad.
He rolled it into little balls,
and flicked them at his dad.

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